Being included

I never miss the sindoor khela, even though now I from faraway from India, my first home. Bidding Devi Durga good bye by applying sindoor on her feet and forehead and then smearing each other’s face with vermilion is s tradition I would hate to let go. I love the all female bonhomie, the playfulness of the ritual and the energy the celebration exudes. When I was a child I would accompany my mother to the mandap but watch from periphery as the celebrations ensued. I wanted to be included in the celebration, but my mother breathed fire when I asked her if I could join in. “This ritual is only for married woman, you are absolutely forbidden from taking part. It will bring bad luck, “ she said. I would bring to front my rebellious streak and say, “well, that is not fair. Everyone should be able to take part in it.” To this she would say, “this is a tradition going on from ages, who are we too break it”. I would scrunch my eyebrows, puff up my cheeks, writhe in rage, and then after some time calm down. I hated a negatively charged family atmosphere. Sometimes my jethi visited us during the Pujas and as she was a widow she was not allowed to take part as well. When my mother dressed up in the traditional white and red border sari to get ready for the sindoor khela on the last day of Durga puja, I could see her face turn dark as if a mass of clouds has enveloped the sky. It made her realise she was now incomplete as she did not have a husband. That would hurt me like hundred pinpricks. What discrimination, I thought. Why can’t all be included, after all it was only applying sindoor on Devi Durga and God doesn’t believe in discrimination. Two years back, if I am not mistaken, times of India started a No conditions apply campaign to include all women, never mind they are divorcees, widows, transgender, sex workers to take part in the sindoor khela celebration. The campaign was a huge success ,so I read in newspapers, and lots of other padals had followed suit inviting all women to take part in it. It was a moment I was waiting for since my childhood days. My heart swelled with happiness when I read it. I asked my mother in law, who is a widow, if she would like to take part and I would happily accompany her, my face etched with pride, and she replied, no, I would never. I don’t want bad luck to befall on my children. I didn’t press her further. It was after all an individual decision.

Though i read about how widows were breaking the shackles of age old rusty tradition and joining in sindoor khela I had yet to come across a woman I knew personally who was audacious enough to go ahead, avert the curious eyes and take part in the celebrations. Then as I was scrolling through my fb page I saw a photo of my friend’s mother, who I knew was a widow, all dabbed with vermillion as she posed with her daughter in laws with a beaming smile. As I looked at the photo , for I don’t know long, salty tears rolled down my cheeks , I didn’t realise I was crying. Those were tears of joy, of course. I realised it takes a lot of courage to break age old traditions in a society like ours where one wrong step will set tongues wagging. And I can’t help but salute those women.