My son had this habit ever since he started to sleep on his own. He would lie down with us for a few minutes before he retired to his own room to sleep. In those ten minutes we swapped stories, the ones not important but yet you want to share. Of late, he has stopped doing so. He comes to my room kisses me and goes off to sleep. I rued a little, but I realised given his busy routine, yes most days he is home by 10, he is too washed out for inanities. Yesterday, when he was getting ready for bed I saw that it was not his usual sleeping time, he was tad early, so I asked him to come snuggle up with me and talk. He shrugged and said no, I want to go to sleep. I felt a twitch in my heart. I couldn’t help but remember those days when he would follow me like shadow. I sighed and kissed him good night. In the silence of night, I could hear him in his room putting his clothes away, the ruffling through his books, flipping off the lights, then I hear footsteps his dad coming up with urgency in his steps. I heard him say, “what happened today in piano class? Your teacher just texted to say you were terribly upset and frustrated today. “ On most days I would rush to hear what was eating him up but I stayed in bed and let his dad steer the ship. I knew in few days he was appearing for his grade 4 piano exam and I could feel this was something related to it. I could hear speak, his voice unsteady, quavering, I practiced for so long after school today yet I got it all wrong in today’s lesson. I don’t know how I am going to do in my exam. What if I get it all messed up.” And he broke down and started to cry. I couldn’t hold myself any longer and went to console him but his dad had him wrapped in his arms already and he was bawling, pouring his frustrations out. His dad said, It is okay to cry, don’t ever think men can’t cry. And crying is not a sign of weakness. It means you have tried to stay strong for long and want to vent out your frustrations. I know you are growing up and you feel big boys don’t cry but I would say cry when you feel , you will feel better. And about your piano exam we know how hard you are trying to balance everything, and we know you will give it your best. See what your teacher has texted, he is naturally talented but beats himself too hard. So just chill and give it your best shot, if you fail there is always the next time.” And he kissed him in his forehead and said, we love you. And remember it is okay to cry. It is good for your mental health.
I could feel tears stinging my eyes, I kissed him again and went to bed. Sleep eluded me for a while, all the while I had been thinking he was being distant and aloof but I was unable to see deep below the husk. Silently, he was battling his own demons. Also realised it was international men’s day and what an apt message to send out to the younger generation of boys, it is okay for boys to cry.
I was mere spectator as the emotional scene unfolded today usually I am the consoler, the shoulder to lean and cry on but this time his dad took the centre stage and was proud of the way he dealt with it.
Daily Dose of Shilpi 